I sit her today reflecting about a career heartache. A door closed by God.
It started with a couple lies, that I was seeing behind closed doors and when I brought it to the light of day to the right people. I was really treated badly. This discrepancy within my career, ended with me changing company’s.
I sit here reflecting on the events leading after my departure and It’s funny how truth tellers become liars when they expose the light. And liars are labeled honest when they promote their lies and continue to keep people in the dark.
Today marks the anniversary of this heartache and it’s funny how the universe worked its way around to reveal the truth that I always knew was the truth. I cannot help but think how everything has a cycle and truth and deception run their life cycle and are released to the universe. It’s just funny how the truth came to light on that one year anniversary.
I remember how much my heart hurt and how disappointed I was with God for closing that door that I was so certain was mine. I felt like I was right and I did the right thing and I felt very punished for having the door shut in my face.
I realize now that I didn’t need everyone else to know the truth, because I knew the truth. Because I knew this in my heart I was able to LET GO OF THAT PAIN of heartache and disappointment. So revealing the truth to me was old news. For in my heart I always knew the whole truth but chose to forgive long before the news of the truth was delivered.
I moved on because I didn’t want to be held captive to the heart ache. I acknowledged the truth, I didn’t need everyone else to know the truth. In return I didn’t feel like I needed to prove anything to anyone. I didn’t carry it with me on a daily basis. I was able to internalize it better and leave the entire situation in God’s hands.
So when the news was delivered, my life didn’t feel any different. My life went on, and if I was to hold on to that particular heartache. I would have not been able to continue to live my life and move past that defeat.
And through God’s love, I was able to forgive way before the truth was delivered to everyone else. I realized that If I was to hang on until the truth was delivered, then I would be frozen in time and captive to heartache.
Why do we need everyone else to know the truth about a particular event? Why do we feel the need to prove our accusation or gut feeling was correct?
If you know what the real truth is in life, that is all that matters. Why is it in our human nature to need to feel right? and prove our righteousness to others? Why do we seek our peers approval. Why don’t we seek God’s approval.
My life goes on regardless of what others think. I still have some where to be in my life. If you choose to hang on to things that are not serving you, then you are choosing to give yourself to that problem or that person. That in the end, it is taking your time and energy..2 things you can never get back!
I’m not saying don’t allow yourself to grieve and internalize , those are two very most important things that you must do to move on. It’s part of the healing cycle of life, after the death someone or something, one must grieve and internalize in order to heal.
But do not surrender yourself to that someone or something but deliver yourself to your life for it is truly God’s gift to mankind. I think after everything that has happened this year that I have learned to let go, for he holds the keys to light and dark and the only judge of truth and deception.
Perhaps my door might not say what company I wanted it to say, but perhaps the door God has chosen for me to enter is bigger than I could have ever imagined.
Today I totally surrender myself to God, which has been a hard thing to do. I still don’t know where I’m going but all I know is that there is a door somewhere in the universe that is all mine…and when the time comes, I will stand in front of that door with the keys he has given me, and then I will truly unlock the doors to my destiny, and every heartache and disappointment that was made along the way are merely small sacrifices to the lord for bigger and better places in life.
And as always I’m along for the ride.